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 Buying a Pizza.
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Gareth
Advanced Member

642 Posts

Posted - 18/02/2020 :  18:52:35  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
CALLER: Is this Norm's Pizza?

GOOGLE: No, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Normís Pizza last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: OK! Thatís what I want ...

GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, pumpkin, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I detest vegetables!.

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, Sir.

CALLER: How the hell do you know!

GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Life Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another chemist.

GOOGLE: That doesnít show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesnít show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!!!

GOOGLE: I'm sorry, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, sky, cable tv, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago.

_____________________________________________

Never regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Don't worry about old age - it doesn't last.

ike
Advanced Member

United Kingdom
189 Posts

Posted - 04/03/2020 :  17:31:53 Link directly to this reply  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Gareth, Brilliant, where do you dig them up from ?

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